I haven’t posted anything on here for awhile. If you followed me on social media (Twitter), you would know why. If you don’t know why, then let me explain. I have been extremely busy! This past Spring Semester, I had an internship at a huge accounting firm. It was for tax season, so you know how busy that was in itself. Next, I had a full semester with classes. On top of that, I still held my management spot at my current job. So, every day I had either class or work. Sometimes both. To even give you more of an idea, I tried to edit my novel that I produced. So, there – If you didn’t know the reason why I didn’t post on here… Now you know!
My last post on here was something I threw around in my head for some time. Should I post it? Should I not post it? Obviously, I posted it and the reaction I received was absolutely tremendous! I got so much support! People gave it a great reaction! That truly meant a lot. What meant even more, though, was the fact that it helped others. I know there are people in the same situation. There are people struggling as they try to figure out who they are. There are people who are afraid and scared. Just the idea of helping one person out made it all worth it!
So, it has been almost a year since I truly came out to the first person I told. But, before I get into that, I want to state that I’m not trying to pressure anyone to come out. Sometimes coming out is better, but there are times where it’s not. You are in control of how and when you do it. You make that decision. Anyway, since telling the first person, and then more afterwards, I have to say it truly made me a better person.
I am no longer scared what the main people in my life think. I don’t have to worry how they would react or if I would be a disappointment. Telling them released a mountain off of my shoulders. I can now be me. I can now be open to how I feel.
I remember what it was like before I told anyone. While I remember it, I can’t truly remember how it felt simply because I don’t want to remember. It was an extremely difficult time. I remember what it was like, though. I always worried how others would think of me. I worried how I acted and what others may think. I held everything very close to my chest. I didn’t express myself. Actually, I still don’t totally express my feelings and emotions, but that’s just how I am. I then go back to what others may think if they knew. Would they judge me? Would they look at me differently? While this is what I thought during the entire time, it’s the same feeling everyone thinks before coming out and it’s frightening.
Everyone is different. Everyone comes to terms with who they are at different times. Again, it’s a process. The process is a lifelong process, sadly. It really never ends, but it’s up to you when you initiate it. For me, I know I couldn’t hold it in anymore. It wasn’t good for me. I no longer wanted to wait. While I might not have been ready when I told the first two people, it gave me the push I needed to be fully ready to tell others. I knew it was time. I don’t regret doing so. It’s who I am, and I’m proud of it.